Her
By now, most people have heard about the Cornell University crisis. Notable is a woman who goes by “Jane Doe”. She went through the proper process and still was harmed and didn't get justice. There are numerous articles that can tell her story more effectively than I'm able right now. Her paper trail is extensive, as is her testimony.
Why is a disability and public health blogger writing about Cornell's scandal? Because I am a survivor.
So many disabled women (other genders too - focused on women for this article) are sexually abused and dismissed and misled just as Jane Doe. Disabled women face high rates of domestic violence and barriers to escaping. Many aren't believed due to their medical issues. It's likely most disabled women won't even get an investigation. Or their health prevents them from reporting.
I know that because that's what happened to me.
When I was a freshman in college, I didn't know much about coercion. I thought you had to be held at gunpoint or something extreme like that. I know now that isn't always the case.
My first sexual encounter was a rape. I told him exactly what and how I wanted it to go. He agreed. Then he wanted more and did things we didn't agree to. He didn't use his penis, so I thought it was okay.
When I had a minor surgery that involved stitches in my vagina the following year, he stayed with me in my family home. We were snuggling in my childhood bed as I was coming off anesthesia. I asked him to check for swelling.
Instead, he fingered me. I peed blood for a couple of days and developed a UTI. He told me it was the drugs and it was consensual. I was wearing a basic, comfortable nightgown.
